That is going to affect recruitment; people will seek to work for companies that are likely to make them rich, not just those that offer apparently attractive salary packages.It does not stop there. The scheme has to be for all, so quite suddenly every single employee of a firm has a common goal. The workforce is unified in the pursuit of share ownership.Next, the share performance of a company suddenly becomes relevant to all, not just to the handful of senior executives who get share options at present. For a start, if companies are allowed to do so there will be enormous pressure from employees to push their employers into action. Share ownership first.Companies can give employees a wodge of shares tax free and employees can buy more on the same tax basis if they want to Think through the social consequences of that. If Margaret Thatcher expanded the role of the market in shaping the economy, Gordon Brown seeks to expand the role of the market in shaping society.
Really? Well, yes.

Take three elements of the Chancellor’s proposals on Tuesday and follow through their social consequences: employee shares, entrepreneurship, and employment more generally. It becomes impossible to have much perspective on them when you are in the middle of the changes, or even to be aware that there is a revolution taking place

But we are in one now, as Gordon Brown knows. Let’s call it the enterprise revolution, because that is the sort of buzz-word that this Government likes, though I think it may come to be thought of as the second stage of the Thatcher revolution. With social and intellectual revolutions it is different, for they creep up on you. POLITICAL REVOLUTIONS come in many forms, from violent to velvet, but at least when you are in the middle of one you know it. If his readers are to accept his case, then his contentions should be based on a re-examination not of the British but the German evidence.

That re- examination Professor Charmley has yet to supply.Donald Cameron Watt. And it may be that the revived interest in him among younger Conservative historians has been roused by Salisbury’s lack of interest in Europe. But that is to accept that his calculations in 1902 would have remained valid 10 years later, when naval power had been revolutionised by the Dreadnought battleship, and Germany’s rulers were not trying so desperately to achieve that “place in the sun” to which German public opinion felt the nation was entitled.John Charmley assumes that Germany would have behaved differently to a less antagonistic set of British reactions to German policy, rather than regarding them as a sign of British weakness and irresolution. Second, he maintains that British imperial and diplomatic fears of Germany were wrong to think that German domination over France would have been followed by German, and not only German, pressure on British interests and wealth overseas.This thesis is speculative Lord Salisbury, as Tory Prime Minister, did not accept it. The first is that, had Britain behaved in a different manner, then Anglophobia in Germany, militaristic and racist forces, and the pressure generated by the Junkers’ conviction that liberal and socialist agitation to reduce their power could be satisfied only by nationalist victory, would all have been reduced. That is the history, in the words of the great and long-departed George Peabody Gooch, of “what one clerk said to another”.Charmley’s thesis, here as in his earlier books, rests on two hypotheses that he never examines, since he is resolutely a historian of British rather than German foreign policy.

But the political reality – by now accepted across the widest political spectrum – was that the Ulster Unionist leader David Trimble could not deliver an executive including Sinn Fein without making progress on that one, for so long intractable, issue.
And at last there had been real hope. Much had changed since the talks before Easter at Hillsborough, and then again at Belfast in July; it had been the two governments that had been in the driving seat. Once again, the issue at the heart of them was decommissioning. ALL DAY long yesterday, officials in London, Belfast and Dublin glanced anxiously, with monotonous regularity, at their teletext screens to see what progress the final stages of Senator George Mitchell’s review was making It was not, of course, the absolutely final crunch. If the talks were to end abortively, it was highly unlikely to mean the end of the IRA ceasefire and a return to war.

But it would be, for all that, a source of deep disappointment, if only because of the palpable progress that was made last week. I still miss it a lot…”The organiser of the Tour d’Allemagne bicycle race”It was great in the old days before reunification, because the Tour d’Allemagne only went round West Germany Now we have to go round the whole place Terrible. Why terrible? If you’d seen the road surfaces they’ve still got in the East, you wouldn’t ask.”No room, alas, for contributions from the Mayor of East Berlin, from a Kremlinologist, from a Trabant repairman, from the official supplier of drugs to the East German athletics team, and from many others…. They got a real kick out of seeing East German soldiers threatening to shoot us, and very often they would see people making attempts to cross the Wall and getting shot down under our very eyes. I don’t think it ever occurred to any of my visitors that this had all been staged by me, with the help of a few bob paid to actors on the other side When the Wall came down, I suddenly had to get a proper job. You’d wait till they got to the top, then – pop! Great fun.”The West German impresario”The first money I ever made was operating a West Berlin observation platform from where you could look straight down into East Berlin, and I would charge foreigners and out-of-town German tourists to climb up and take a look at the forbidden land. One day we had an enemy we could really respect and a huge arms industry, the next nobody to shoot at.

We’ve had to spend the last 10 years persuading the government to make an enemy out of Iraq and the Serbs and one or two others, which is a hugely expensive business, but no matter how many little enemies you have, it’s never as good business as one big one. Know what I’d like? A little war against Europe, that’s what I’d like But don’t quote me.”The East German soldier”I miss the Wall I enjoyed shooting at people. We always wanted the contract to take it down, as well, but the people took it into their own hands, unfortunately. Bleeding amateurs…The Americans arms-manufacturer”Worst thing that ever happened. Course, we started to run out of materials in the middle, so you should have seen some of the stuff we put in – personally, I’m amazed it never fell down before it did. What philistines!”The East German builder”Best job we ever had, building that wall. Our only brief was to build a big wall, no particular style, no bleeding architect nagging us to get the details right, just told to put up a wall so it wouldn’t fall down, any style any colour A builder only gets a job like that once in a lifetime.

Nobody stopped me spraying the Wall, because nobody liked it, so it wasn’t considered to be vandalism. But when the Wall was being taken down, it had some of my best work on it. I begged the German Arts Commission people to preserve it on artistic grounds, but they said that artistic considerations couldn’t prevail against the will of the people. It was a wonderful chance to experiment with sprays and colour schemes, and wild lettering. For 30 years I had relied on the enmity of Soviet Russia and the US to provide the backdrop for all my spying, lying and dying, and suddenly they were buddies. Well, you can’t write thrillers about a nation spying on its buddy. I mean, it happens all the time, but you can’t get a plot out of it.

Men still fight each other; indeed, by the calculation of the International Institute for Strategic Studies, more than 100,000 people have died in armed conflicts over the last 12 months. It is a last link, however sombre, with what we think of as a golden age of empire, a civilisation that was destroyed for ever by the Great War. But that is also reason why, as this bloodiest of centuries ends, we should ponder the anniversary’s relevance to the new age in which we live.
Remembrance Day is a profoundly British occasion, steeped not in jingoism but in solemn patriotism, when a nation given to pageantry and tradition honours its military dead More subtly, it is tinged with nostalgia. At the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, as for generations past, we will commemorate the Armistice of 81 years ago, when the most terrible war yet seen by history finally drew to a close. We will remember the British men and women who fought and died in that war and others since.

In those moments of silence, too, we may reflect on how fortunate we are to live in a country that is prosperous and at peace – and how unlikely it is that we, our children or our children’s children shall ever be asked to make a similar sacrifice. TODAY, FOR many of us, the world will briefly stand still. Israeli reports suggest that the establishment of a Palestinian state may well form part of that agreement.The signing of an agreement is no guarantee of peace, as the Good Friday agreement (and the Oslo agreement before that) clearly showed. Nevertheless, Israelis who reject all compromise are learning – courtesy of their own government – that such intolerance is not acceptable It is a start, however small.. A framework agreement is due to be signed in February between the Israelis and the Palestinians.

Even acknowledgement of that simple fact comes as a relief, after years of bad-mouthing the Oslo agreement.As in Northern Ireland, there is no shortage of reasons for pessimism. None the less – again, as in Northern Ireland – the weariness of struggle translates into a yearning for peace on both sides Change is in the air. The Israeli leader praised the memory of Mr Rabin, who had led the way “towards security and peace in the region”. None the less, he shows a flexibility that was entirely alien to Mr Netanyahu.Last week, on the fourth anniversary of the assassination of the Israeli prime minister Yitzhak Rabin, a meeting to commemorate his achievements was attended by President Clinton, Yasser Arafat and Mr Barak. His administration has issued more construction tenders on the West Bank than did Mr Netanyahu. The settlers’ resistance can be taken as (further) proof of a determination to resist change.
Crucially, however, the government of Ehud Barak no longer bows with sickening inevitability to the settlers, unlike the government of his predecessor, Benjamin Netanyahu That in itself is a mark of progress. The Israeli cabinet voted yesterday to go ahead with further transfer of land to the Palestinians next week.Mr Barak’s support for the peace process has sometimes seemed patchy.

On the face of it, the violent scuffles at Havat Maon hardly seem to give cause for much optimism. Shacks were torn down, while settlers flung themselves to the ground in a doomed attempt to save their illegally constructed homes; even a synagogue was razed. We hope that Mr Meacher has enough fire left in his belly to cry freedom, and legislate to abolish hedge tyranny for good.. THERE IS no reason yet to crack open the champagne The changes are creeping only gradually upon us They are, however, undeniable. Yesterday, Israeli troops evicted hundreds of Jewish settlers, literally kicking and screaming, from a West Bank encampment that stood as a symbol of resistance to any land-for-peace deal between Israelis and Palestinians. As with the fall of the Berlin Wall, we need a velvet revolution to liberate those living on the dark side of these satanic shrubs.

When Sklar said yes, the media immediately set up camp outside Seinfeld’s Central Park West apartment. There were reports that the romance had ended in the summer, but it now appears that this was merely a ploy to throw the media off their trail.Last Saturday, Seinfeld proposed to her at Balthazar, the trendy Manhattan restaurant frequented by fashion people and social X-rays. They worked out together at their gym and holidayed in Italy – they seemed to have no qualms about revisiting the country where she had so recently spent her honeymoon. Real-life Jerry was turning into better material than his TV counterpart ever was. Jerry was branded a “home wrecker” and Jessica a “gold digger.” According to Forbes magazine, in 1998 Seinfeld was the richest entertainer in America, earning $247m in syndication fees for that year alone.As soon as she had separated from her husband, Sklar was spotted out and about with Seinfeld all over Manhattan.

Within four months of meeting Seinfeld, Sklar had left her husband, freeing herself to date the comedian in public By this time her ex-husband had no illusions. “The family is appalled by the behaviour of Jessica and Jerry Seinfeld,” Dan Klores, a spokesman for Nederlander told the Daily News. “Eric is stunned at her betrayal.”Eric may have been stunned, but the New York tabloids lapped it up. Crittenden’s husband, Jerry Richdale, marched straight to the tabloids, proclaiming: “It’s almost like he gets a kick out of ending people’s marriages.”And that was before Seinfeld met Sklar at the gym. But perhaps Nederlander should have done his homework: Seinfeld has always had a thing for unavailable or difficult women. For five years he dated Lolita-esque dress designer Shoshanna Lonstein, whom he met when she was just 15.Seinfeld was pilloried at the time for cradle-snatching and eventually split from Lonstein, moving on to TV writer Jennifer Crittenden who was, like Sklar, married when they began dating. Within weeks of their meeting, the New York tabloids were on to the story.

Seinfeld and Sklar were spotted working out together, dining together, and yet all parties issued statements that there was nothing amiss.”Our relationship couldn’t be more solid,” said new husband Eric Nederlander when asked about his wife’s repeated sightings with Seinfeld. Just four weeks before that, she had married Broadway producer Eric Nederlander, her boyfriend of five years and son of the hugely wealthy Nederlander family (who part-own the New York Yankees baseball team), in a lavish wedding. And that’s without a Kramer subplot.When Seinfeld met Sklar in July 1998 at the Reebok gym on Manhattan’s Upper West Side, she had just returned from her honeymoon in Italy. Unlike his best friend, George Costanza, who got engaged on the show (but was relieved of the ordeal when his intended died from licking poisonous cheap envelopes), Jerry’s television persona stayed well clear of the altar.Today you can hear the lament all over America that the show is no longer in production. For the story leading up to Seinfeld’s engagement to Jessica Sklar, 28, a public relations executive at the fashion house, Tommy Hilfiger, could have provided enough material for a season’s worth of scripts. If Jerry can propose, they reckon, their own gun-shy boyfriends can’t be far behind, can they?For nine seasons, Jerry Seinfeld played himself on his eponymous television sitcom, the perennial Jewish bachelor who meets, sleeps with and dumps a series of beautiful women. Big enough to wipe the First Lady Hillary Clinton, earthquakes, office shootings and Donald Trump off every front page in town.
Seriously, who in New York cares about Hillary’s Senate run when the poster boy for commitment phobia buys a diamond ring at Tiffany?For three days now the Bridget Joneses of Brooklyn have been dancing in the streets.

And that story turned out to be just another scandal in the White House Big deal. But Jerry Seinfeld getting married after evading matrimony for 45 years in favour of dating Lolitas and Hollywood starlets, now that is a big deal. Marrying Man! Master of his domain no more! Jerry takes the plunge! Mazel Tov! The New York tabloids haven’t been this excited since Monica Lewinsky confessed she owned a dress with an incriminating stain. Is Sally behaving like an immature schoolgirl, or a control freak?Yours sincerely, Helen.

LONDON’S BLACK-CAB drivers say they may not have enough incentive to work over the millennium, despite being able to charge double. He was fined pounds 250 and banned for a year.A spokesman said Mr Nicholls would be replaced at agriculture by Malcolm Moss, currently a Northern Ireland spokesman Mr Moss will be replaced by John M Taylor, a Tory whip.. His ministerial career ended in 1990 when he was caught drink-driving during the Conservative Party conference. although I fully understand your reasons.”Mr Nicholls, a solicitor, with a majority of 281, was a junior employment minister between 1987 and 1990, and a junior environment minister in 1990. Many of the 1997 intake are on the front bench and our prospects are .. brighter.

I would like to be able to return to the backbenches and to be able to speak on a wider range of subjects that are relevant for my constituency, which my frontbench responsibilities prevent me doing.”In reply, Mr Hague said: “I am very sorry you have decided to step down … He was influential in persuading Mr Hague to sharpen the Tories’ demands for a renegotiation of the Treaty of Rome, which led party grandees, including John Major, Michael Heseltine and Kenneth Clarke to warn that it could take the Conservatives a step too far to support Britain withdrawing from Europe.
Although official Tory policy is to oppose entry to the euro for the lifetime of the next parliament, Mr Nicholls, 50, is close to those who would prefer Britain to be out of the EU and would like to neutralise the UK Independence Party by adopting its tough line.Mr Hague refused to adopt Mr Nicholls’ preferred stance of saying “never” to euro entry.In his resignation letter, the Teignbridge MP said: “The time has come for me to move on. A LEADING Eurosceptic, Patrick Nicholls, resigned as an agriculture spokesman from William Hague’s frontbench team yesterday to toughen his attacks on federalism. Mr Nicholls, a junior minister under Margaret Thatcher, announced his departure after meeting the Conservative leader. Peers, led by the Labour disability rights campaigner Lord Ashley of Stoke, had repeatedly voted to amend the Government’s proposals, threatening to plunge the legislative programme – including Lords reform – into disarray But on Wednesday, they finally backed down.. THE CONTROVERSIAL Welfare Reform and Pensions Act received Royal Assent last night, having survived the biggest Labour rebellion against the Blair Government and a constitutional clash between MPs and peers.

The wide-ranging package, which ushered in stakeholder pensions among other measures, became law alongside the Immigration and Asylum Act, Food Standards Act, the Greater London Authority Act and the House of Lords Act. I will particularly miss the car-park, but have already taken home two black bin liners of my life in the Lords.”. As one of the elected hereditaries, his mood was understandably laid back.After the prorogueing ceremony had finished, most peers flocked last night to a farewell party in the Royal Gallery off the Princes Chamber.Any tears were drowned by literally gallons of House of Lords own-label champagne. Lord Gainford, a Tory hereditary whose grandfather served in the Asquith government, said: “I will miss it so much, I have loved being here I’m just about to hand in my pass.

I didn’t really believe it at the time, so I’m not surprised by today,” he said. “After six wastebags, I gave up,” said Lord Mar and Kellie, the Liberal Democrat hereditary.Earl Russell, son of philosopher Bertrand Russell and great grandson of Prime Minister Lord John Russell, was sanguine as he sucked on his Silk Cut cigarette in the last chance tea room. “When I arrived here, I was told, `this is your peg my Lord .. for ever’. But not too surprisingly, their requests were flatly refused by the Government. “They have no rights at all,” a spokesman said last night.Many peers had already obeyed the orders of the Gentleman Usher of Black Rod to clear their desks, pack their bags and dodder off quietly into the night. Comprehensive library facilities, engaging conversation and fawning staff all guaranteed that a trip up to the capital was extremely comfortable indeed.With bars serving a pint of beer at just pounds 1.34 and dining rooms where a three-course lunch with coffee cost less than pounds 10, the Tories pleaded for the peers to retain their privileges. Whether it was sipping tea and scoffing cakes in the tea room, or using their parking space, most hereditaries will sorely miss the pleasures of membership of London’s finest club.

HEAVY CRITICISM has greeted the early release of three young men who kicked and stamped a teenager to death. There were about four cases a year involving the sterilisation of handicapped women, but this was the first involving a man, Mr Levy added.The Official Solicitor, Laurence Oates, opposes the operation, which he says would not improve the man’s way of life. Now the case is before the Court of Appeal, which was told that the operation was in the man’s best interests because it would give him the opportunity to start relationships without running the risk of being responsible for a pregnancy.Allan Levy QC, representing the mother, told Lady Justice Butler-Sloss, Lord Justice Schiemann and Lord Justice Thorpe that the man was not capable of giving or withholding his consent to the operation.The man, whose identity was protected by a court order, had been involved in sexual incidents with young women, Mr Levy said. His mother, 63, says she wants her son to have a vasectomy because she can no longer keep him under strict supervision and any pregnancy would have serious consequences for the mother and child.
The High Court family division refused her application to declare the operation lawful in July.

THREE SENIOR judges are being asked to decide whether a man aged 28 should be sterilised without his consent

The man, from south London, has Down’s syndrome. At times, her relationship with her clients takes the trajectory of championing an unknown, then urging him to live dangerously and avoid marriage and happiness to keep in touch with his inner demon, then – if he starts to be successful – losing interest in him. But the play also richly demonstrates that being represented by Peggy Ramsay must have been as inspiring and risky as being taught by Miss Jean Brodie.Paul Taylor. Lipman dutifully captures Ramsay’s mannerisms: the stocking-feet walk that’s like an ostrich trying to avoid land mines; the imperious, free-associative telephone technique. But if the spirit of the woman comes through, it is mostly thanks to the wit and the shapeliness of Plater’s script.Directed by Robin Lefevre, this very entertaining play set in the late Sixties offers us a day-in-the-life of Ramsay, in which her romantic and ruthless philosophy of life and art is illustrated as she deals with four different types of playwright at different stages of their careers.

Although in that quarter the RUC is thought of as having indulged in a variety of questionable practices, its loss of more than 300 officers in the Troubles is also recognised.Nationalist pressure is, however, being maintained for the name-change recommended in the Patten report and other sweeping reforms.Asked if the award represented in effect a farewell present to the force, the Chief Constable, Sir Ronnie Flanagan, said: “The magnitude of this award is such, having been granted only once previously for collective courage, to the island of Malta… “This latest attempt to give credibility to this discredited force flies in the face of the promise in the Good Friday Agreement for a new beginning to policing,” she said.More moderate nationalist opinion did not, however, take serious exception to the move. It was last awarded on a collective basis in 1942 when the Mediterranean island of Malta was honoured for resisting German attack.The move was denounced as “grossly offensive,” by Bairbre de Brun, Sinn Fein’s policing spokeswoman. The award came as the force’s future is under review, with the Government considering the Patten report recommendations that it be transformed into a more representative and civilianised body.
The George Cross, second only in precedence to the Victoria Cross, is intended primarily for civilians.

Michael Erlbeck, an official at Berlin’s forestry commission, thinks the animals are merely reclaiming the habitat of their ancestors.He said: “People pay a lot of money to go to Africa and take snapshots of animals in the wild Now you can save the money and do it here.”. THE AWARD of the George Cross to the Royal Ulster Constabulary yesterday was warmly welcomed by the force itself and Unionist representatives but condemned by Sinn Fein. There are even some arguing that the wild boar has as much right to be treading Berlin’s pavements as humans. He said: “This cannot be tolerated.”But attempts to bring down the full force of law upon the offenders have proved fruitless.

Legal opinion is divided on whether a prosecution for conspiracy to attempt to pervert the course of justice would be successful.Police sources say the matter is “certainly not being approached as a paper exercise” and there is every intention to pursue the possibility of criminal charges.They point out criticism of the supposed slowness of the Aitken inquiry, and claims that it was going to be a whitewash. A report will be sent to the CPS for lawyers who deal with high-profile cases to decide whether charges should be laid.The false alibi concocted by Lord Archer and Mr Francis was never put before the court because the Daily Star changed the date of its allegation against Lord Archer – that he had sex with the prostitute Monica Coghlan – from 9 to 8 September 1986. The officers will examine tape recordings made by the News of the World of conversations between Mr Francis and Lord Archer.Both men can expect to be summoned to a London police station and questioned under caution, although this will not happen until the new year. Det Supt Hunt, who has been in charge of several complex inquiries, including murders abroad, will try to establish exactly what type of offence, if any, may have been committed by Lord Archer and/or Ted Francis, who supplied a false alibi.
The team is expected to talk with the Crown Prosecution Service early next week. Detective Superintendent Geoff Hunt belongs to Scotland Yard’s specialist operations organised crime group.

THE DETECTIVE who led the investigations that helped to jail the former Tory minister Jonathan Aitken is assembling his initial team of three to work on the Archer case. Fortunately Jeffrey has a real bedrock of a family there to draw support from.”. “He made it absolutely clear that this was one person asking another to help him out with a situation with his wife.”He has had dinner with a girlfriend, there was no question of it being for a libel trial, there was no question of it being for court, there was no question of it being for perjury. There was no mention of it and Ted Francis has made that absolutely clear. I think what Ted’s interview does show is that all this talk of criminal conspiracy and so on is wrong – that wasn’t what this was about.”Mr Shakespeare added that Lady Archer was standing by her husband “They have a very strong marriage. I knew that he [Lord Archer] and Andrina were close and I connected it automatically with that.

I guess there had been strains put on his marriage by his relationship with Andrina.”He asked me to write to the lawyer and I thought this was to protect him in a divorce situation. I have no reason to doubt he was where he was on the night it was alleged he was with Monica I have never conjectured on that. I have never thought about it.”Despite speculation put about by his publicist, Max Clifford, Mr Francis said that he had no further revelations about Lord Archer.”The things I know, they are mainly anecdotal and in the main they are not of any great relevance.”Stephan Shakespeare, assistant to Lord Archer, said that Mr Francis had made plain that his revelations had nothing to do with the 1987 court case. I did him a favour as a friend because I thought he was going to get into trouble with his wife because he was with a girlfriend,” Mr Francis said.During the entrapment of Lord Archer with the News of the World at the weekend, the novelist made clear he needed the alibi for his action against the Star.

But yesterday, Mr Francis denied he was even aware of the connection to the libel trial “The Monicagate thing wasn’t on my mind I didn’t put the two together. “He [Lord Archer] said, `I want you to do me a favour and say we were having a dinner. I was having dinner with somebody else on that night but it would embarrass me with Mary’ [Lady Archer]. So will you say it was with you and not with Andrina?’ “Mr Francis said that he was reluctant to write to Lord Archer’s lawyer, Lord Mishcon, to concoct the alibi, but agreed because it was a favour to “a mate”.”I said, `Yes, but if it’s going to end in divorce or anything, I’m not going to commit perjury for you’. THE MAN whose revelations led to the downfall of Lord Archer of Weston-super-Mare said yesterday he lied to protect the peer from possible divorce rather than to help his libel trial over a prostitute. In his first public statement since his account of events appeared in the News of the World, Ted Francis claimed he concocted an alibi for the peer simply to shield him from his wife, Mary. Speaking on Talk Radio, Mr Francis denied he had been motivated either by revenge or money when he revealed the alibi was false and declared that he wanted only to stop Lord Archer from becoming mayor of London.
The former television producer and writer disclosed at the weekend that he was asked by Lord Archer to say they had had dinner together on 9 September 1986 – the date on which the Daily Star originally alleged that Lord Archer met the prostitute Monica Coghlan, although the newspaper later changed the day.Yet Mr Francis insisted that when he was asked to concoct the alibi, he had no idea it may have any impact on the libel case brought by Lord Archer against the Daily Star.He only wanted to do his friend a “favour” because Lord Archer claimed he had a dinner date that night with Andrina Colquhoun, his former personal secretary.

“If people think it’s dreadful then we won’t do it.”
The technology that would allow mobiles to be used is part of a new tailor-made communications system being developed for the Tube, called Connect. LONDONERS MAY be about to lose their last refuge from the mobile phone. A new pounds 350m system could mean that commuters on the Tube will be able to use their phones to explain that they are on the train – even when they are underground. London Underground managers have decided, however, to gauge the views of the travelling public before deciding whether to proceed. “We don’t want to horrify people by introducing mobile phones against their will,” said a spokesman. Mr Straw was clearly left rattled by the energy and volume of her self- defence and the violence of her arm-waving.It was a useful lesson to him – never engage a shouter in conversation and never make direct eye-contact with them They only find it provocative..

Abandoning a letter to Mohamed Al Fayed, explaining that the EgyptAir plane had been downed by an aircraft of the Royal Flight, personally piloted by Prince Philip, Miss Widdecombe leapt to the dispatch box to defend her reputation. Worse, he actually criticised her past behaviour in office, rhetorically asking who was the Home Office minister who had been responsible for shackling pregnant female prisoners to their maternity ward beds. Rather than crossing to the other side of the street and adopting an expression of lofty indifference, he began talking to Miss Widdecombe, hoping to persuade her of the illogicality of her position. As Jack Straw replied to her speech she busied herself with a series of brown envelopes, cocking one ear for Labour porkies while scribbling a series of notes. Off went a message to the Queen Mother, informing her that resentful MI5 officers were planning to bug the royal corgis; off went a warning note to the Archbishop of Canterbury, pointing out that the letters in Tony Blair’s name could be added up to make 666.Mr Straw, who should know that the post of Home Secretary pretty much guarantees unwanted attention from monomaniacs, made a foolish error. For the moment, though, she was preoccupied with her correspondence.

It sounds like someone cutting corrugated iron with a rusty saw – just as you’ve steeled yourself against one rasping note the blade jams and it leaps an octave But what she says can be unnerving too. “They don’t like hearing it but they’re going to hear it again and again and again and again,” Miss Widdecombe shrieked at one point, seeming to confirm that she is suffering from some kind of obsessive compulsive disorder, the symptoms of which include repeatedly washing her hands of the Tories’ political record and an unhealthy fixation with policemen.Presumably it won’t be long before she arrives on the Shadow Front Bench with an assortment of unwieldy placards, filled with crabbed handwriting that outlines various dark conspiracies on the part of the Government. Mr Milburn sighed heavily and explained that the anti-psychotics in question had all been referred to Nice the twee acronym for the National Institute for Clinical Excellence. Nice would sort it all out in time, and until then it was very nasty of Dr Fox to fuss about the matter.

For some reason the provision of anti-psychotic drugs came to mind when Ann Widdecombe rose to open the debate on the Home Office elements in the Queen’s Speech. It’s mostly the voice, I think – the kind of screech you can easily imagine echoing off the walls of a Victorian asylum. They don’t like it, but it works.
A little later Liam Fox got up with another anxiety about treatment protocols. Was it true that the last secretary of state for health had guaranteed that “no one will be denied the drugs they need”? If so, what about the new anti-psychotic drugs, which psychiatrists had been complaining were unavailable because of cost. One quick jolt from the Millbank pager and, after a brief muscular spasm, they’re as docile and biddable as ever. Besides, he might have added, it’s proved absolutely invaluable in dealing with behaviourally disturbed Labour backbenchers. Alan Milburn adopted a suitably solemn expression as he rose to answer: “Electro-convulsive therapy is well-established as a life-saving treatment in cases of psychotic depression” and could not be dispensed with in the treatment of the mentally ill.

I certainly liked one of the pieces – Alison Wilding’s ceramic sculpture which might be a handy bowl and might just be a curious thing. And most of these artist-conceived products are quite indistinguishable from more or less OK bits of up-market design.No one who knows his work will be surprised that Anish Kapoor can do you a perfectly tasteful table lamp. But for this to be so, contemporary art would have had to transform itself into something that its current fans would hardly recognise. People sometimes seem to see the arts as simple, solid “good things”, which just need a bit more access and distribution. Well, every art form wants a wider audience (and despite a lot of recent hit-and-run publicity, the contemporary art audience is still small).

But let’s not be naive: we know about ratings wars, and what they do.So in this case, art tries to distribute itself more widely by metamorphosing into household-accessory production Fine But there is already a name for this activity – design. Prices range from pounds 7 (a single coat peg) to pounds 57 (a table lamp).We don’t yet know how well they’ll sell. But when Colin Painter proposes that “contemporary art should find its way into people’s lives in the same way as gardening and football”, I am not sure that he knows what he is saying. For instance, when I was 10, a young “friend” of mine used to torture me until I could name all the members of the then Man U squad. That is how football “found its way” into my life, and then found its way out.Again, perhaps he’d think it nice if contemporary art had (like football) pages of newsprint and hours of TV devoted to it each week. They’ve also gone on sale at many branches of DIY store, Homebase, which is collaborating in the project.